The Monday Struggle
Oct 28, 2025
For years, my routine was set by someone else.
A clock.
A boss.
A place I had to be by a certain time.
Even when I wasn’t required to be in early, I still showed up.
It was what I knew.
It was how I measured progress.
3½ years ago, I left that world.
I built my own path.
I became the boss.
The one who sets the schedule.
The one who decides the pace.
And I still pushed hard.
I even got my own office.
A space that made me feel like I belonged somewhere.
Then I realized there was no people to be around
No staff that had questions
No one needed me anymore.
It was just me and my thoughts.
But here’s the truth
Mondays are hard now.
Maybe it’s because when your schedule is your own, you also own the silence.
The slow days.
The doubt.
I try to fill these times with books, podcasts and something that feeds my brain. But I still struggle.
This time of year, the sauce business slows down.
Weekend events are done.
Orders are steady but manageable.
The automotive world is uncertain.
People are holding off.
Waiting.
So some days there’s just less to do.
And when there’s less to do, my mind fills the gaps with worry.
Are we going to run out of money?
Shouldn’t I be doing something right now to generate income?
Why does downtime feel like danger?
Why can’t we simply enjoy a slower day.
Use it to organize.
Reconnect.
Rest.
Be present
I don’t know how to be still.
Not yet.
It’s a work in progress.
When the routine slips even a little I feel it.
I haven’t hit the gym.
I haven’t eaten the way I should.
My body reminds me quickly
Discipline isn’t just physical. It’s mental.
Last night the minute my daughter asked if she could skip the first two periods
I grabbed the phone fast and signed her out until lunch
Permission to delay the day.
Permission to delay the week
Permission to be lazy
I went to bed at 9:30pm
Could’ve been up at 6am and started the day
But I tossed.
Turned.
Negotiated with myself until 8.
And when I did get up, I wandered the house
trying to find my routine
trying to find myself
fighting to get back to the man who shows up on the hard days.
I am thankful that I find that routine and do what’s hard. I get into the cold water and push through it.
But I still wonder why is it so hard.
